Communication and Charity

A old man who didn't know any English was gently and affectionately patting a young boy on top of his head when he would pass by. I am sitting in a restaurant, and this scene is unfolding at the table next to mine. The boy started to complain to his parents after it happened two or three times. The parent explained to the child that no one can touch you if you don't want them to. The child was upset and the parents, I hope, partially understood that the man did not understand English.

The old man patted the child's head one last time and the father forcibly asked the man to not touch the son anymore in a voice that I found too strong for the situation. It was clear the man didn't understand, so the father said it again only louder this time. The man obviously was from a different culture where this type of touching is appropriate. The scolding tone of the father agitated me, and the lack of communication depressed me. I know that it is good practice for a parent to warn their children of adults who may violate them, but where is the line? This man meant no harm, and it was a controlled situation. This wasn't some random man in the streets.

I feel that the failure is the father's. He did not communicate to the son that the culture was different, or he did not ask another employee to translate to the old man that the son was uncomfortable. This was a learning moment for the boy, but it was wasted.

What is good for a person? Does a person even know?

I was waiting for the bus on Snelling and University. Two men walked ahead of me, and one man (nicely dressed, business-type) asked if he could go ahead because he was giving his transfer to the other man (homeless). I obliged them. The man scanned his transfer and handed it back out the door to the other man. I entered the bus, and the business man was in the back explaining to no one in particular the other man's situation, "I asked him if he wanted a dollar or a transfer. He took the transfer because he sleeps under a bridge in west Minneapolis." He continued talking, but it blurred into the background noise.

I began to think about the choices he offered the man. Both were inconsequential to him, and both would make him feel better about himself. Is it easy to give as long as there is no consequence, or exertion for the giver. It bummed me out to be part of the discussion today, but the point wasn't that charity is bad, my (our, Americans) behavior is the problem. The consumer culture that prevades this country is not just ruining our lives. What is right and what happens depends on the choices that everyone makes. Recycling, charity, and good-will are in the hands of indivduals, but choices made are not often for the greater good.